Monday, January 23, 2017

Shit to look out for when making friends in the female world.

I'm not saying that you should steer clear of your neighbour when she says you're lucky that your boyfriend bought you brand new Jimmy Choos, but just watch out for the signs.The woman world is crazy. Once things get out of hand, you risk hurting yourself and turning into one of those old, grumpy women who blame men and hate on women while sitting alone with a bottle of wine. Or, if you're a guy in this case, having random kids who's names you can't even keep track of in various parts of the world. Personally, I'd rather work on constructing healthy relationships over mimosas and brunch with the real people.

Here are the main red flags that I've learned to look out for:

1. She gets jealous of everything that's yours.

Jealousy may seem harmless and common at first, but it shows a lot of insecurity, and a friend that gets insecure around you, is no good. Whether male or female, insecure people are mostly around because they want to see you fall or they want to be the one that makes you fall. Just ask yourself where was Brutus when Caesar got stabbed?

2. She keeps the selfies where you look disgusting and she looks great.

A good friend isn't going to post an ugly picture of you if you think it's ugly. The accurate response from a friend when you say you look gross in a selfie, is simply deleting the picture, or keeping it to yourself.

3. She doesn't hesitate to tell you about how her dad is no longer in the family picture.

Family issues, stay family issues. Lending out a hand is always great, but don't let this person continue to rely on you if you're not that close and you wouldn't consider chopping off your ring finger for them. Personally, someone who talked to me about their family, made me think that we were closer than I felt. I felt like family issues became an open topic and made the mistake of opening up to them, big mistake. As I mentioned in my other post, doing a little is a lot for someone with a big, open wound that they continue to pick at.

4. She has daddy issues.

Relating back to #3. It doesn't just mean that someone's dad technically isn't around or that it's just the dad who is the problem, but being unsure of one's place in a parent's heart leads to having to compensate with a place in yours and everyone else's. Also, with no other outlet, you get all their issues, their anger, etc.

5. She immediately wants to be best friends and she doesn't seem to have any other close friends.

Not even just the fact that the spider's web empty yet you seem to be the only one stuck in it. It's okay not to have a big group of close friends, but sometimes people that are too quick to take you in are trying to fill holes that are missing in their own personal lives.

6. "I hate women."

This is also something that I have had to make a conscious effort to avoid saying myself. Just because you've had a few bad friendships, doesn't mean that every girl is out to get you. It also doesn't mean that you need to warn every new friend that you're a tough bitch ready to attack.

7. She acts like she's better than you.

She tries to get closer with your friends, your boyfriend, "your mom loves me", girl, chill your tits. I've only known you for a month. What are you trying to prove? Again, the insecurity thing.
These are also the kinds of girls that tend to criticise everyone. She's really just being critical over herself. From now on, whenever I hear "I heard that .... is such a slut" I take it as my cue to back out.

8. She complains about soooooooo many boys liking her.

"It's because you're sooooooo hot and you keep it real". Remember Regina George when she told her Plastics that she was sooooooo fat? Gretchen was like "Oh my God you're so skinny, what are you talking about?" This is the need to fish for compliments because they're not secure about how they look.  Fishing for compliments works temporarily, but it doesn't fix your ego. And yes, you are the dumb fish if you're like Gretchen. You're not helping. When someone throws you a complaint like this, the correct answer, is the opposite answer. "Yeah isn't it weird? I mean, you're not even that attractive." That's how I got some people to stop complaining about their insecurities. Love yourself for who you are, duh.

9. She complains about people and openly uses the excuse that "it's because I'm pretty and they're jealous".

Although you may know that you're a pretty girl (or you know that she's a pretty girl), there are deeper reasons to why people treat you a different way, and it's definitely not JUST because you're pretty. If someone is mean to you because they're jealous of your looks, they will most definitely not admit that you're good-looking. They will hurt you in every other way by exposing your insecurities before they realise that the problem is really within.

10. She counts everything.

A good deed is a done deed. I mean, if you want it back, did it really come from the bottom of your heart? Doing something for another person should only happen if a) You can afford it and b) You don't expect it back.

You don't need to live by this rules, this is obviously an observation. You don't need to stop being friends with these people, just know when to take your distance. Trusting your gut is very important.

It's not always easy to stay positive in the face of negativity. Letting people know when they have gone too far is how we protect ourselves. A little balance and confidence is all you need to survive the female world and more.

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