Sunday, January 22, 2017

¿Qué locura o qué desatino me lleva a contar las ajenas faltas, teniendo tanto que decir de las mías?

After a lot of reflecting and two unfinished drafts, I've come up to the conclusion that has always just been an after-thought to big drama explosion fights: You can't fix broken people.

I guess I've always liked being the one that my friends could turn to for a smile or for support although for certain, it never seemed to be enough. I know that I can't fix them, but I felt like, maybe I could be some sort of positive influence in their lives.

It started with making an effort for people that seemed to make an effort for me. I tend to go towards people that are more outspoken, louder or have some sort of influence on the people around them. People that are more upfront. I didn't realise that sometimes, some of these people are in need of another sort of attention.

(Some background about me, my parents are divorced and I've moved to four different countries in my life and not to mention a total of sixteen times within those countries. I'm filipino and a quarter Chinese. Chinese people shun me for not being able to speak Chinese and filipino people call me Chinese. Now I'm in Switzerland and I have to explain how I'm American so, I know all about not fitting in. Not to mention my awkward personality in private school, being the only kid with divorced parents and a stepdad, then switching into a bigger public school, the list goes on... )

Being broken to me does not mean that your family is fucked up or that you've been through a lot of hardship in life, regardless if that is what makes you feel broken. Being broken to me means that you blame the negative events of your life on everyone around you and you walk around thinking that everyone should treat you different because of what you've been through or because of how you feel. Hardships happen to everyone, maybe not all to the same degree, but every person is living something different that does not make them better or worse than the next person.

Broken people aren't easy to be friends with, unless you are okay with being constantly put down or constantly being a cheerleader. They don't have enough ego so they feed on whatever you give them. You can't have a mutual relationship with them because they don't have anything to give back to you, so you're constantly just checking up on them, while they're constantly thinking about themselves. And when they do actually do the bare minimum for you it's "I did so much for you!" but the only reason is because doing a little for you means a lot for them. They don't have the ego to take care of one person, so how can they do it for two?

The only way to help broken people and to keep your positive energy, is by keeping a distance and not getting to close. It's okay. We can't fix everyone without breaking ourselves.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

It's 12am and..

We're all meant to be at a certain place at a certain time.

I'm meant to be all over the place. Starting in Hong Kong, the Philippines and although I lived in Cali the longest, I definitely did not stay in just one place for over longer than six years (four technically if you count switching apartment complexes).
I knew that I wanted to come to Europe, but lately I keep thinking back to where I really want to be.
I feel as though Hawaii or any pacific island is where I want to go next.

I feel so touched whenever I hear the language. Their dancing makes me want to dance. Their attitude seems to CONSTANTLY be warm like their climate.

It's 12am, the wind is banging against the blinds, my windows are frosty, and I just want to be under the warm sun with nice island music and a Mai Tai or something.